im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
