Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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