I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
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Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
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So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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