he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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