honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
