The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize
