I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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