I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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