your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
