i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
