mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
