Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
