Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Of course I have a pirate flag
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
