We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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