Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Randomize
