who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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