God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
