Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Vodka?
Forever.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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