Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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