got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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