some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
im about as happy as oj after his trial
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
