Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
