what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
