I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
