If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
