my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
