yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize
