Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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