I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Randomize
