I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize