Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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