you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Randomize
