My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
