My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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