were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
