Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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