i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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