TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
how does that bad decision feel?
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
