You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
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i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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