we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
