I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
just found out that she named her cat after me.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize