maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
