totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
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Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
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I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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