Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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