I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
