Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
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