When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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