if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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