You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
