why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
