two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
you traded sex for a burrito?
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
