So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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