erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
