so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
At least life still wants to fuck me.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
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