perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
whose ass print is on the piano?
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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