Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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