goodnight i made you a song goodbye
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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