remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
