i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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