You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Randomize
