I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
No subtext here. People are naked.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Randomize
