I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
