just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
