There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
