There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Life without a bra equals bliss.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Randomize
