what day is it and did you see me today?
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
