I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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