dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Liz is crying about burritos again.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
