I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
