shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
